These Week 12 NFL picks by a turkey suggest that all turkeys are Cleveland Browns fans, just as all Browns fans are turkeys.
Stick with me here, because this is about to get newsy. So, you know how Turkey just shot down a Russian fighter jet?
Turkey. Violence against humans… you do the math.
We are turkeys, and we are pissed.
Plus (speaking of math) we hate your little thankful holiday where you all sit around and pretend that you don’t have decades old grievances simmering inside.
You want to know about a grievance? First pass the gravy because my family is about to have your Mom for dinner. How’s that feel, pilgrim?
Here’s a grievance worse than seeing your relatives served with cranberry sauce – this week the Cleveland Browns benched the greatest quarterback who ever lived, Johnny Manziel. And yet, in the now famous video that cost him his job, Johnny Manziel was nowhere near any kind of turkey, even Wild Turkey.
Meanwhile, the people who run the Browns have been called turkeys, but that’s an insult to turkeys. So you can see how this has all built up to this moment.
All I can say is happy Thanksgiving to you and your family (well, except your Mom), from me and my family (well, except generations of relatives). We don’t know how this is going to end but it’s safe to say that at this time of year we’re afraid of whatzgonnahappen.