“So never mind the darkness; We still can find a way
Cause nothin’ lasts forever; Even cold November rain”
– Guns N Roses
I was on death row when I started predicting NFL games as a way to pass the time and somehow my predictions came to the attention of George W. Bush, a big sports fan. Yes, I am a turkey, and I am guilty.
One day last week I was sitting in my cage playing the harmonica and singing, “Nobody knows the troubles I’ve seen,” when my cell phone rang. It was President Bush.
He said he loves my predictions because they are usually wrong. He said I am a kindred spirit. He said he is a lame duck, but I didn’t understand. I am a turkey. I don’t often associate with ducks.
We chatted for a moment. His favorite team is the Detroit Lions. I said hate the Lions, and I hate the Cowboys. He said he is a cowboy. We laughed and laughed.
I told him I hate John Madden. He assured me everyone does. Then I told him that I also like John Madden because he reminds me of my cool, crazy uncle who loves bourbon. The President told me everyone feels this way as well.
I am a wild turkey who believes George W. Bush is a wise man. I admit that I am a beneficiary of his wisdom, or maybe I am just a lucky bird. You see, he invited me to the White House and I was in the room when his Presidential Counsel asked whether he was going to pardon Scooter Libby. Bush said these exact words, “Pardon the turkey.”
So I am here to bring you the most anticipated and very best NFL predictions from a turkey. But first I’m hungry so please tell me what’s for dinner? Then I’ll tell you whatzgonnahappen.
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