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Archive for June, 2009

Home of 2009 NFL Season Predictions by Donuts (Early Summer Edition)

June 01, 2009 By: BT Category: Uncategorized

He was taken to task by some critics who asked
Do you write the words or lyrics first?

– The Michael Stanley Band –

These 2009 NFL predictions, as you probably guessed, involve three jelly donuts and three smoking-hot women named Betty.

Yeah, so do you know how some people see the shape of religious figures in a potato chip or a coffee stain, and it changes their life forever? That’s sort of how I found out what’s gonna happen in 2009 in the NFL.

It was last Tuesday at 7:12 A.M. I remember it vividly and specifically – yes romantically and almost sexually. These were, after all, jelly donuts. I was as happy as anyone being served three donuts by three Bettys could possibly be, which is pretty damn happy – just imagine! Three Bettys, three jelly donuts, and me. It was quite a sevensome.

Anyway, that Tuesday while the Bettys went back to serving donuts and I did my daily contemplation about which Betty-donut to eat first, I noticed something in how the donuts were arranged, and when I studied further I found a Davinci Code-like prophecy of the 2009 NFL season. Yes my Betty-donuts were speaking to me more than usual – and not just about unspeakable things. This time, my breakfast was predicting the 2009 NFL season.

In 1965, I was 6 years old and just getting interested in sports. I remember the adults around me saying, “You are lucky to root for the Cleveland Browns because they are the best team in football. They have Jim Brown and they just won the NFL championship. They should win the championship for a bunch of years.”

Yes, this is my once-a-year explanation of whatzgonnahappen.

The Browns, you see, won the NFL Championship in 1964. I started following Cleveland sports teams in 1965. And no Cleveland team (thanks a lot Joe Posnanski) has won a championship since.

My point is that this is my column and this is whatzgonnahappen according to me. These are not real NFL picks. I don’t have don’t have a clue what’s going to happen this year in the NFL.

Psst – neither does anyone else.

That’s why they play the games.

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