Let’s give them something to talk about
A little mystery to figure out
– Bonnie Raitt
Barack Obama: I’m worried fellas. In week 3 of the NFL, the New Orleans Saints are likely to use the bomb again.
Benjamin Netanyahu: Yes, bombers who think they are saints worry me too.
Obama: Those guys are Saints.
Mahmoud Abbas: I agree with Benjamin. I also worry about bombs. But I thought we were gathered here to talk about the dispossessed – those least fortunate who need our help.
Obama: Oh, you mean the Cleveland Browns. You’re right, we should probably work on the poverty issue. But did you realize the Green Bay Packers play against the St. Louis Rams this week? Do you think that’s fair?
Netanyahu: Life isn’t fair, my friend. But I think the truly complicated issue is the Cleveland Browns at Baltimore Ravens game. It’s basically new Browns/old Browns. It’s complicated. It’s personal. And for fans in both cities this feeling of exile goes back generations. Someone even told me that Mayflower Moving Vans and the city of Indianapolis somehow figures into it all.
Abbas: I’ve heard that Art Modell is known as “The Evil One.”
Obama: That’s not true in Baltimore. In Baltimore, The Evil One is Bob Irsay.
Abbas: I hear say that we should have peace every Sunday in the Middle East so we can watch the NFL without all that war racket going on. I want to watch my favorite team, the Cleveland Browns.
Netanyahu: Now that you mention it, Mahmoud, I love the love the Cleveland Browns too. How about peace all week long as well so I have time to wash my Leroy Kelly jersey.
Abbas: That’s a great idea! That way I can wash my Bernie Kosar jersey. You know, I believe the Cleveland Browns have just brought about peace between Israel and Palestine. By the way, I am glad Brady Quinn is the starting quarterback.
Netanyahu: You’re kidding, right? I want Derek Anderson to be the quarterback.
Obama: Uh oh. Yeah, that’s whatzgonnahappen.