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Archive for October, 2010

A Halloween Political Ad Week 8 NFL Picks

October 29, 2010 By: BT Category: Uncategorized

You must really consider the circus
It just might be your kind of zoo
I can’t think of a place that’s more perfect
For a person as perfect as you

– The Grateful Dead

My opponent for the job of Week 8 NFL Prognosticator was Brett Favre’s penis photographer. Plus, she’s a witch. And she’s not even a she. She’s a he. And he wants to sell your children to an illegal immigrant and then tax you for the transaction.

My opponent once owned a restaurantivoted and brags about his business experience, but what he doesn’t tell you is that his famous dish was slow-cooked puppy-and-kitten stew. The stew was delicious, but is this the kind of person you want picking week 8 in the NFL?Jackolantern

Our country is in peril and my opponent has hired campaign workers to put helmet-to-helmet hits on my supporters. Sure, we have retaliated. Politics is a contact sport.

But listen, my fellow citizens. I am pleading with you to despise  my opponent as much as I do. Just remember my slogan: His morals are even worse than mine! My opponent has thrown a lot of dirt in this campaign. But I have only one question for him: Why are you so fond of your pet goat?

If my opponent is elected, be fearful about whatzgonnahappen. Continue reading “A Halloween Political Ad Week 8 NFL Picks” »

Helmet-to-Helmet Week 7 NFL Picks

October 23, 2010 By: BT Category: 2010 Season

I’d rather laugh with the sinners
Than cry with the saints
The sinners are much more fun

– Billy Joel

When James Harrison and Brandon Meriweather suggested that I not make these Week 7 NFL picks because I have the mental capacity of a green pepper, I scoffed.

meriweather Sure my head hurts from the helmet-to-helmet hits I took making these picks. And yes, to answer your question, I often wear a helmet. I am told it is for my own good. To answer your second question, I drool and spit like this all the time. I am told it is part of my charm.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t get right back out here and keep predicting the Cleveland Browns are about to go on a winning streak that leads them to the Super Bowl. Brain damage? I don’t have a clue what you are talking about. But I am told this is whatzgonnahappen. Continue reading “Helmet-to-Helmet Week 7 NFL Picks” »

A Freed Chile Miner’s Week 6 NFL Picks

October 14, 2010 By: BT Category: 2010 Season

You stumble out of a hole in the ground
A vampire or a victim
It depends on who’s around

– U2

I told them to get me out of the mine in time to predict week 6 in the NFL. I really meant that I wanted to be able to watch the Browns/Steelers game without having to listen to Enrique, who is a Steelers fan and has been bragging about it every day for the last 10 weeks.

Just get me out of here for the Browns/Steelers game, I said.

chile miner Chilean President Sebastian Pinera, who is also a Cleveland Browns fan, said he personally guaranteed that I’d get out in time to watch the Browns beat the Steelers. All of Chile cheers for the Cleveland Browns. All of Chile except for Enrique, who cheers for the Steelers. I asked President Pinera to leave Enrique down there in the mine, but he said that Enrique coming to the surface to witness the Browns beating the Steelers is a fine outcome to Chile’s national drama.

President Pinera pointed out that saving us minerscolt was a real feat of engineering, but when the Browns beat the Steelers with Colt McCoy starting his first game in the NFL, that will be a miracle. He smiled, and then guaranteed that’s whatzgonnahappen. Continue reading “A Freed Chile Miner’s Week 6 NFL Picks” »

The Randy Moss Temp Agency Week 5 NFL Picks

October 08, 2010 By: BT Category: 2010 Season

And lightening strikes, maybe once, maybe twice
Oh, and it lights up your night
And you see your gypsy

– Fleetwood Mac

Hi, my name is Randy and I am the new temp here doing Week 5 NFL Picks. I used to work in New England but that job, like your job, was eliminated.

So with 9.6 percent unemployment, I took what I could get. I now understand the plight of the average American. And I know what’s really important. I am making h_tempservices approximately $6.4 million less than I used to, but the boss here said he appreciates me. And that’s really mossmoonwhat it’s all about – respect.

I am not sure how long I am going to stay. After all, I am a temp. Since this is where the temp agency sent me, all I can do is promise to do my best. I have worked in Minnesota, Oakland, and New England, and I promise that I will give as much effort here as I did in Oakland

So I am going to have to make this quick because, get this, apparently the temp agency is transferring me again – this time to Minnesota. Apparently their other client, Brett Favre, recommended me. Yeah, that’s whatzgonnahappen. Continue reading “The Randy Moss Temp Agency Week 5 NFL Picks” »