I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I’d love you to love me
– Cheap Trick
These week 9 NFL picks want to thank you for your vote, and remind you that we are going to fix everything just like we did the last time we ran things.
We just heard from our opponent, the incumbent, and we have accepted his congratulations. We’d like to thank him for a tough campaign, but now it’s time to cut spending and take our column back.
So the first change is if you are sick and need medication to enhance your performance, tough luck. Got that, Shawne Merriman? Next, remember that banks and corporations are people too. See Randy Moss, the organization actually is more important than your titanic talent. Finally, no matter what happens, at heart we are all patriots and the Patriots seem to always win. So that’s comforting, I guess.
I’d personally like to thank my colleagues for electing me as the Speaker of the Column. It is quite an honor. I know that the media’s first question is, why is my skin orange? It is because I am a Cleveland Browns fan.
Our first cost-cutting measure as the party in charge of this column is to outsource these picks to Halliburton. It was clear that British Petroleum didn’t know what they were doing, and the government takeover, known as ObamaPicks, was also a failure. No one I know felt stimulated. So we’ve gone to Halliburton, the only bidder. Trust us. We think they know what they’re doing. And they should for what we’re paying them! Yeah, that’s whatzgonnahappen. Continue reading “Elected Week 9 NFL Picks” »