Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial
– Bob Dylan
VOICE: This 2012 Super Bowl XLVI pick is an attack ad on my flip-flopping opponent, who once said that Colt McCoy would be the hero of Super Bowl XLVI.
I have met my opponent, and he is me.
Don’t vote for him. He is the on-food-stamps prognosticator, and also a big fat preachy policeman wannabe who says it is immoral to ever say anything nice about the mad scientist Bill Belichick, who coached the Cleveland Browns before he became a mad scientist.
(CUE the creepy music… show unflattering photo of my opponent, who looks an awful lot like me with a Browns-lost-again chili hangover.) My opponent last week had no conference championship insight into a Billy Cundiff missed field goal, a Lee Evans dropped touchdown pass, or Kyle Williams messing up two punts, including letting one bounce against his leg. Any common seer could have seen those things happening. My opponent instead pondered what it would be like to actually worry about the taxes he would pay if he earned $42 million.
My opponent invested in lottery tickets that didn’t produce jobs except for Freddy Mac, the guy at the 7-11 who sells lottery tickets to my opponent, who thinks Freddy Mac will self-deport back to Washington and his wife Fannie. It’s a fantasy, like Peyton Hillis.
(ACTIVATE ANIMATION showing Satan climbing out of the ears of my opponent’s visage) My opponent is too erratic. You never know what he is going to say. He has grandiose ideas about the Cleveland Browns, who have not won an NFL title since 1964, and the Browns perfect 48-year-plan.
(GRAPHIC of Lombardi Trophy in flames) This is the most important election, and Super Bowl prediction of our time. The future of the Lombardi Trophy is at stake and it can not be left to someone like my opponent. He has never run any a betting business, he is too inconsistent with his stupid consistent views about a wishful Cleveland Browns victory at the Super Bowl in Indianapolis, which stole a team from Baltimore, which stole a team from Cleveland, which is not in the Super Bowl once again. Is this Super Bowl important? Oh gosh, yes.
( GRAPHIC: “This ad was paid for by Citizens Against Everything”) I have not coordinated with the makers of this ad about my horrible evil opponent in any way. Making another hypocritical Super Bowl prediction is something I don’t want to do and I think the destructive, vicious negative nature of asking for football predictions makes it harder to attract decent people to predict NFL games and I am appalled that anyone would begin a Super Bowl prediction column by drawing such a parallel as this way I just decided to say whatzgonnahappen. Continue reading “2012 Super Bowl XLVI Pick and Attack Ad” »