And if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear
You shout and no one seems to hear
And if the band you’re in starts playing different tunes
I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon
– Pink Floyd
Some say these week 13 NFL picks are delusional. But don’t listen to the voices in my head.
I say the Cleveland Browns are going to win. My friend that lives under a bridge says it is stupid to be loyal to anyone who treats you like Cleveland Browns treat their fans. I would never live under that bridge.
Longtime readers of this column know that I live in a refrigerator box in the woods with no amenities other than a flat-screen TV hooked up to the NFL Network. The rest of you have probably figured it out. Both of you.
Anyway, ever since the IPO, I admit to being foolish with my billions. Every week, I go all in with my bookie, Cakeface McGee, on the picks in this column. The problem with betting billions of dollars on the picks in this column is that this column always picks the Cleveland Browns to win, and the Cleveland Browns almost always lose.
Can I tell you a secret? I am beginning to not trust the judgment of the guy that makes these picks. Sure, sometimes this crap is correct. But he always picks the Cleveland Browns to win, and they are always mean to him. Loyalty to mean people is stupid.
That reminds me. If Cakeface McGee walks in carrying a baseball bat, I’m not here.
So I just want to say with all of my heart that these week 13 NFL picks are thankful for the imaginary loving family gathered around me eating this imaginary delicious turkey, and toasting the imaginary great football team known as the Cleveland Browns. I’d write more, but I need to look for my can opener for these beans.
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