You got fins to the left, fins to the right
And you’re the only bait in town
– Jimmy Buffett
Roger Goodell here with your Week 3 NFL picks, starting with Thursday’s game when the Falcons beat up the Buccaneers by an ambiguous score of 56 to 14.
I am not quite sure what is going to happen in that game.
I think the Falcons might win. Maybe by a score of 6 to 3 or something. I won’t really know what’s going to happen unless I watch a video of what already happened. And where am I supposed to find video of an NFL game?
Despite your skepticism, I bet $44 million a year that you are going to blame me and not the 32 men, the NFL owners, who sent me here to say the Falcons are only going to win by 3. And if you do blame me, and not those 32 men, then I win $44 million a year. (And as I have convinced them, it’s the best $44 million they’ll ever spend.)
So yes, I really thought the Falcons would only win by 3, because the score of 56 to 14 was ambiguous. But then I saw highlights of the game. The highlights were clear, and they were a game changer. The score was ambiguous. The highlights were not.
While the Falcons ultimately did win by a score of 56 to 14, I regret not predicting the correct score once the game was over. It was a mistake, and I am deeply sorry. I have formed a committee and even asked my best friend do an independent investigation into find out why I thought the Falcons would only win by 3, despite having been told the final score.
All I can say, is that the information I had was ambiguous. I got it wrong.
I pledge that I am going to get it right. No, not right now. Specifically, someday. I sure hope you believe that’s whatzgonnahappen. Continue reading “Week 3 NFL Picks By Roger Goodell Denying Everything” »