Inside the museums,
Infinity goes up on trial
– Bob Dylan
This Super Bowl 49 prediction is by certified NFL prophet, Deflated McGee. I have decided to start the world’s next great religion, Belichickistry.
I have no explanation for what happened. But if you’d like to get in on the ground floor of a new religion, listen up. I am interviewing for disciples every day next week in Arizona. If you’d like to be a disciple and want a have great chance at a book contract with thousands of years of royalties, you also should have no explanation for what happened.
For now, I bring you word of a gambler’s paradise, a place so devoid of scruples that the lack of scruples is praised in taverns throughout this land as being extremely scrupulous. The land I speak of is, of course, New England.
I am Deflated McGee, a prophet with deflated balls. Even my crystal balls are deflated. But it matters not. For I am offering spiritual guidance to all of my gambling followers. I am a prophet for profit.
So when you take your required pilgrimage of Belichickistry to the refrigerator for the first of your sacred ceremonial Pabst Blue Ribbons, please pause a moment to pay homage to my certification as a high-level prophet. I was certified in Las Vegas by prophet-maker Johnny Manziel and his quarterback coach, Jack Daniels.
It was in a Vegas bathroom with Manziel and a rolled up $20 bill that I first heard the phrase, “I have no explanation for what happened.” Right then, I knew one thing. It was time for me, as a fledgling prophet, to start the world’s next great religion, Belichickistry. This new religion legitimizes Johnny Manziel.
It is so simple, based on a zen-like focus that allows one to do literally anything as long you never ever stray from the script of, “I have no explanation for what happened.”
A Belichickistry world is my vision of utopia. If my predictions are wrong, I have no explanation for what happened.
But it extends far beyond me and my future reputation as a prophet trying to compete with the established religious brands. Belichickistry is a religion that can save you a lot of trouble up front. All those other religions have that stuff about being nice, whereas Belichickistry is a religion of ignorance as explanation. Anyone willing to offer “no explanation for what happened” can join this religion.
I am Deflated McGee, and I am a NFL prophet. One more thing. Don’t go drawing any cartoons of me. If you do, you know whatzgonnahappen. Continue reading “Super Bowl 49 Pick By The NFL Prophet of Belichickistry, Deflated McGee” »