I’m goin’ surfin’ cause I don’t like your face
I’m bailing out because I hate the race
Of rats that run around and ’round in the maze
These Week 2 NFL Picks by Donald Trump don’t like your face.
I like Tom Brady’s face. Tom Brady endorsed me. Tom is the most ethical person who ever married a supermodel. I know about these things. If you endorse me, you will look like Tom Brady or or his supermodel wife, Gisele Bundchen. Only then will I like your face.
When you cheer for a team that isn’t the Cleveland Browns, your face is stupid. Your face should be kept behind a wall. Your face has no energy because your team is run by losers,
On the other hand, the Cleveland Browns, like Trump, are winners. Just as “bankruptcy” is only a word, the Cleveland Browns won/loss record is meaningless “numbers.” Believe what I say, not what you see. We’re going to make America great again, and we’re going to start by making the Cleveland Browns great again.
I’m betting that you can imagine that I can offer tons of specifics about why the Cleveland Browns will be the best team in the NFL this year, despite being demolished in their first game. And you believe that sometime soon I am going to lay out in detail my reasons. I’ve got advisors. I’ve watched Jon Gruden talk on TV. I’ve played Madden.
Look, by the time I make these picks I’m going to know more about football than Vince Lombardi knew about knitting. People who I pay – a lot of money, by the way – tell me that I am the smartest person they know and that I know more about the NFL than anyone. Not to be a braggart, but I am probably the greatest person who has ever lived.
I go to church. I don’t really pray to God. I more talk to Him. Give Him advice. I told God that he really screwed up with the aardvark, and I asked how could a guy create both marijuana and Josh Gordon. Not fair, I said, especially for a guy who also created the Cleveland Browns.
Turns out that God is a woman. So, yeah, you should have seen Her face when She told me Whatzgonnahappen. Continue reading “Week 2 NFL Picks By Donald Trump; Face Judge” »