Well what can a poor boy do
Except to sing for a rock ‘n’ roll band
‘Cause in a sleepy London town
There’s just no room for a street-fighting man
– The Rolling Stones
These Week 6 NFL Picks by Bernie Sanders are sick of hearing about the damn Patriots’ deflated balls and inflated scores.
As I have traveled this great country, I have met thousands of people worried, instead, about the Cleveland Browns. The system is rigged, they say. The Cleveland Browns don’t have a chance.
The real Americans that I have met are demanding that we get to the serious business of the redistribution of power to the less fortunate in the NFL, namely the Cleveland Browns.
I was once asked if I believe in capitalist quarterbacking. Well, I don’t believe in casino quarterbacking. One real American, after hearing that Johnny Manziel is drinking again, suggested the Browns should change their slogan from “Play Like A Brown” to “Drink Like A Brown.”
In fact, many of those I have met who are concerned about this issue seem to have drank like a Brown. One person suggested that the team leads the NFL in giving no-name players on the opposing team the best game of their careers. “Look it up!” he shouted, shoving me in the chest, as if he was Donald Trump.
The shouting, shoving person actually was Donald Trump, who is a Browns fan and said he plans to vote for me. He said he is doing everything he can to help me win. I believe him.
As you know, I am a Democratic Socialist, which by definition means that I am morally right about most everything but I don’t have a shot in hell to win in America – just like the Cleveland Browns. So I understand where Donald Trump and those like him stand.
I relate. I am sad and delusional, just like all Browns fans.
Ladies and gentleman, the system IS rigged. That’s how I know whatzgonnahappen.
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