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Archive for December, 2015

Week 16 NFL Picks By The Returns Department

December 27, 2015 By: BT Category: 2015 season

She wrote upon it
Return to sender, address unknown
No such address, no such zone

– Elvis Presley

These week 16 NFL picks by the Returns Department see an awful lot of football fans out there in line trying to return their team’s season.

Returns departmentA lot of Browns fans. Familiar faces. I see them every year.

And while I am great friends with Browns fans, things are cool here because I’ve also gotten to know Cowboys fans quite well. And let’s just say that I sure love seeing Ravens fans here.

This is a fun place to work, but I admit there is stress. Some things have a No-Return policy. For instance, Donald Trump. While America is stuck with him, I have had to deal with many unreasonable people who think I’ll take him back.

But just like the football seasons that so many disappointed fans are trying to return, Donald Trump fits under our other policy: You Break It, You Bought It.

That’s just how life works. You’ll see when you stick around to see whatzgonnahappen.

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Week 15 NFL Picks by Ebeneezer Scrooge, Cleveland Browns Fan

December 19, 2015 By: BT Category: 2015 season

You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch

– The Grinch Who Stole Christmas

These week 15 NFL Picks by Ebeneezer Scrooge, Cleveland Browns fan, have already seen three ghosts and a Donald Trump speech, but nothing scares me. I still hate Christmas.

ScroogeI believe Christmas is the only thing Donald Trump does not hate. But I digress.

The ghosts I saw were Browns failed first round pick Braylon Edwards, Browns failed first round pick Courtney Brown, and Browns failed first round pick Justin Gilbert. None of them are in the NFL anymore.brownselfguitar

What? Gilbert is still currently on the Browns? Okay, now I’m scared.

So as you stare at the photo of my hero, Art Modell, and my other hero, Dick Cheney, you should know that I do have the Christmas spirit when it comes to Tiny Tim Cratchet.

I hope he plays a good game at quarterback for the Cleveland Browns. Yep, that’s whatzgonnahappen.

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Week 14 NFL Picks Not Letting Cleveland Browns Fans Into The USA

December 13, 2015 By: BT Category: 2015 season

Whatever you’re looking for
Hey! Don’t come around here no more
– Tom Petty

These week 14 NFL Picks say that until we can figure out what is going on with the Cleveland Browns situation, which may take forever, no more Browns fans should be allowed to enter the United States.

Donald Drumpf, Browns fan opponentIn fact, I’d like to send them all back to Cleveland.

I don’t like what they wear. I don’t like how they talk.

Johnny Football? Really?

See, I like Tom Brady because he cheats, and wins. Those people like Johnny Manziel because he drinks and loses.

Those people – and yes, I called them “those people” because I am not politically correct – cheer for a team that has not been good since Ronald Reagan was president.Browns

Now I love Ronald Reagan, but let’s face it, letting the Cleveland Browns be good was a huge mistake. Huge.

So yeah, I just insulted Reagan. Deal with it, losers!

Oh, and vote for me because when I am president, things will be so fantastic for some people that you seriously won’t believe whatzgonnahappen.

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Week 13 NFL Picks From The Apocalypse

December 06, 2015 By: BT Category: 2015 season

And you tell me
Over and over and over again, my friend
Ah, you don’t believe
We’re on the eve of destruction
– Barry McGuire

These Week 13 NFL Picks come to you from the Biblical end of time. War, flood, famine – Johnny Manziel on the bench.

The Book of Namath; 3.16 says, “If the one known as Johnny Football stays on the bench, the Cleveland Browns will continue to suck. So just give up.”

the end of Browns season is nearSome Bible passages can be quite surprising.

Speaking of surprising, we heard on FOX News that the coach of the Cleveland Browns will not even utter the words, “Radical it’s chronic errorism.”

It is sad how politically correct this the coach has become by refusing to name the enemy that is leading this season to the brink of apocalypse.

This coach instead tries to shift the focus to climate change, and then he blames his small, lying drinking celebrity quarterback for that climate.

So sure, climate change is the problem. The Cleveland Browns need a climate change.Johnny Apocalypse

The small, lying, drinking celebrity quarterback is not the problem. The mistakes are the problem. And now, here we are, closing in soon on the end of the season.

Yet another apocalypse. Yawn. Wake me when it’s over.

Until then, all the prophets know whatzgonnahappen.

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