I was a trembling, because I’d got to decide, forever, betwixt two things and I knowed it. I studied a minute, sort of holding my breath, and then says to myself: “All right then, I’ll GO to hell.”
- Mark Twain

January 23, 2009 – Diplomacy is in again but mine is a personal moral dilemma. I want to love my neighbor, but I hate the Pittsburgh Steelers.

I think anyone who owns a Terrible Towel is a terrible person. Despicable even.

The Pittsburgh Steelers in recent years made a tradition of nuclear bombing my Cleveland Browns at Christmas. Every year, it’s the same thing under my tree: used coal. And now I am supposed to look the other way?

I don’t think I can do that. Yes, the Cold War ended and the Russians became cool again but this is the Pittsburgh Steelers – old-school evildoers who are now poised to win their sixth Super Bowl.

And so while I go through ten more days of therapy, it makes me wonder what it is like to defuse real situations of hatred.

Good luck, Mr. President.
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FINAL SUPER BOWL PREDICTIONS COMING SOON!
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This column is sponsored by peace, love & understanding.