What's Gonna Happen

Super Bowl Pick 52 Pick From A Dilly Dilly Refugee Camp
Subscribe

Archive for the ‘Super Bowl’

Super Bowl Pick 52 Pick From A Dilly Dilly Refugee Camp

January 25, 2018 By: BT Category: Super Bowl

This Super Bowl 52 Pick comes from the scene of another senseless murder, a Super Bowl party where someone has been killed for saying the words, “Dilly, Dilly” one time too many. It is happening across America.

Things are worse at the violently contested border of fake news and real mirages, the exact place where Tom Brady’s hand was once amputated and Nick Foles is a Super Bowl quarterback.

There are refugees in the border area – stunned and without hope, almost all of them wearing Johnny Manziel Cleveland Browns jerseys.

Oh the humanity! So many Manziels staring with dead eyes.

“We could have drafted Carson Wentz,” said one of the refugees, smelling like cheap beer and despair. “Wentz was so good that he got injured so Nick Foles could go to the Super Bowl.”

“We could have drafted Tom Brady!” said another one of the refugees. “But we had to have Spergon Wynn.” That refugee, now an adult, started cheering for the Cleveland Browns as a young child. He is one of the dreamers you read about in the news.

“We could have drafted Nick Foles,” said a mentally challenged man wearing a Brandon Weeden jersey.

The United Nations, not to mention the NFL, has abandoned these people.

The Super Bowl is for the elites. Tom Brady has been in the Super Bowl eight of his 16 years in the NFL. This is his second time playing in a Super Bowl against the Philadelphia Eagles. The Super Bowl is, essentially, Davos.  

There is barely a word here about the refugees. Not even the refugees from recently vanquished cities, such as Jacksonville and, well, actually… The poor people in Minnesota were one game away from hosting a home game Super Bowl, and now they are refugees in their own city. It’s truly sad. Which is very different than “Sad!”

But Cleveland has the Browns and thus, a factory of sadness, which is another level of sadness altogether. This sadness deserves an exclamation point, except what would really be the point, at this point.

And so the Super Bowl is here again, and the refugees from every city are faced with the fact that their team could have had Saint Tom Brady. Or Nick Foles. You could have had Nick Foles. Yes, Nick Foles. Is your quarterback playing in the Super Bowl? Nick Foles is.

But next year, my team will be in the Super Bowl. Can someone give me a “Dilly Dilly?” That’s Whatzgonnahappen. Continue reading “Super Bowl Pick 52 Pick From A Dilly Dilly Refugee Camp” »

Super Bowl 49 Pick By The NFL Prophet of Belichickistry, Deflated McGee

January 23, 2015 By: BT Category: 2015 Playoffs, Super Bowl

Inside the museums,
Infinity goes up on trial
– Bob Dylan

This Super Bowl 49 prediction is by certified NFL prophet, Deflated McGee. I have decided to start the world’s next great religion, Belichickistry.

belichickistryI have no explanation for what happened. But if you’d like to get in on the ground floor of a new religion, listen up. I am interviewing for disciples every day next week in Arizona. If you’d like to be a disciple and want a have great chance at a book contract with thousands of years of royalties, you also should have no explanation for what happened.

For now, I bring you word of a gambler’s paradise, a place so devoid of scruples that the lack of scruples is praised in taverns throughout this land as being extremely scrupulous. The land I speak of is, of course, New England.

I am Deflated McGee, a prophet with deflated balls. Even my crystal balls are deflated. But it matters not. For I am offering spiritual guidance to all of my gambling followers. I am a prophet for profit.

I am not The One, merely a conduit – telling all I have learned in my journey to conference with a spirit beyond – yes, the spirit of a Bill Belichick press conference.Pabst

So when you take your required pilgrimage of Belichickistry to the refrigerator for the first of your sacred ceremonial Pabst Blue Ribbons, please pause a moment to pay homage to my certification as a high-level prophet. I was certified in Las Vegas by prophet-maker Johnny Manziel and his quarterback coach, Jack Daniels.

It was in a Vegas bathroom with Manziel and a rolled up $20 bill that I first heard the phrase, “I have no explanation for what happened.”  Right then, I knew one thing. It was time for me, as a fledgling prophet, to start the world’s next great religion, Belichickistry.  This new religion legitimizes Johnny Manziel.

It is so simple, based on a zen-like focus that allows one to do literally anything as long you never ever stray from the script of, “I have no explanation for what happened.”

A Belichickistry world is my vision of utopia. If my predictions are wrong, I have no explanation for what happened.

deflated footballBut it extends far beyond me and my future reputation as a prophet trying to compete with the established religious brands. Belichickistry is a religion that can save you a lot of trouble up front. All those other religions have that stuff about being nice, whereas Belichickistry is a religion of ignorance as explanation. Anyone willing to offer “no explanation for what happened” can join this religion.

I am Deflated McGee, and I am a NFL prophet. One more thing. Don’t go drawing any cartoons of me. If you do, you know whatzgonnahappen. Continue reading “Super Bowl 49 Pick By The NFL Prophet of Belichickistry, Deflated McGee” »

Super Bowl XLVII Pick By A Re-Elected Liberal President Suspecting A Catfish Scam

January 24, 2013 By: BT Category: 2013 Super Bowl, Super Bowl

Inside the museums, Infinity goes up on trial
– Bob Dylan

Re-elected by you, my liberal agenda is clear. The Cleveland Browns will win Super Bowl XLVII. It’s my second term, I am all in.

My first order of business is to redistribute the Harbaugh family wealth. No single family should have the Super Bowl to themselves. Therefore, by executive order, the Cleveland Browns are in the Super Bowl.harbaugh brothers entitled Party!

Yes, I’m bailing out my favorite football team. Plus just to use some of this excess political capital, I sold Kansas to the Taliban to create a multi-religious Land Of The Righteous where everyone gets a holy book and a gun. Enjoy.

Do I feel entitled? According to my new tax code, Aaron Rodgers is now a Cleveland Brown.

The Baltimore Ravens versus the Sanobama points to harbaugh brothers Francisco 49ers in the Super Bowl? Who said that, FOX News, FOX sports? Karl Rove and Terry Bradshaw are hilarious. Oh, I get it. Super Bowl XLVII is some kind of Catfish scam; an imaginary matchup. How come the Cleveland Browns aren’t in the game?

I believe the Cleveland Browns are going to win this Super Bowl. Sure, I am delusional but if you think delusional is bad, you are delusional. Delusions make the world go round. Trust me.

I am no George W. Bush chasing imaginary weapons of mass destruction. My Super Bowl conspiracy theory is true, and I know all about true conspiracy theories. I am a Kenyan-born socialist flag-burning gay handicapped Spanish speaking Muslim woman with a lifetime membership to an abortion clinic. I can’t fool anyone.

So heck, to replace Kansas on the flag that I like to burn for fuel because I don’t like fossil fuels, Washington DC is now a state. Watch out, Texas. I’m also looking for room on the flag for Puerto Rico. Plus once Fidel Castro dies, it’s only a matter of time until Cuba is a state and Havana gets an NFL team, the Havana Hawks.

That’s how I plan to solve immigration… with NFL expansion. It’s so much kinder than standard colonization. Truth.

So, Ravens and 49ers in the Super Bowl in Barack Obama’s America?

Against all my instincts, I am allowing this to happen. Don’t tell me I am not bipartisan. I’ve seen the intelligence reports from the CIA and the Navy Seals. The Harbaugh brothers have been plotting for decades, and no one can stop whatzgonnahappen. Continue reading “Super Bowl XLVII Pick By A Re-Elected Liberal President Suspecting A Catfish Scam” »

iPicks 2011 Super Bowl XLV Pick

January 27, 2011 By: BT Category: 2010 Season, 2011 NFL playoffs, Super Bowl

Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial

– Bob Dylan

The ancient Mayans and Nostradamus are Cleveland Browns fans who met on Facebook. They went to Applebee’s to predict Super Bowl XLV. They were tied in their fantasy league.

The ancient Mayans used an iPhone prophecy app , common in their time, to predict the outcome of the Pittsburgh Steelers versus the Green Bay Packers. Nostradamus called over the bartender. He ordered a round of beers, sweet tarot cards, and a genuine replica crystal ball. It was sacred religious moment. Sacred secular too. Money was exchanged.

Nostradamus pulled out his iPad and googled “visions.” The bartender brought him a draft Pabst Blue Ribbon. The bartender mistook Nostradamus for a hipster. A gypsy woman brought the tarot cards and a genuine replica crystal ball purchased on eBay. She sat and joined the boys and watched a commercial on the flatscreen TV. Her name was Gypsy Jones.

The ancient Mayans tipped the bartender: “Exercise is good for you,” they all said in unison.

Green-Bay-Packers-vs-Pittsburgh-Steelers While Nostradamus searched websites for a vision, the ancient Mayans bragged to him of their choice of technology. “The great time-traveling Steve Jobs visited us first,” they said.

“Yeah, he brought you that crappy first-generation iPhone,” said Nostradamus, all snarky like. Suddenly he barked, “I got it! Oh wait. Wrong site. I found the end of the world as we know it.” applebees

The ancient Mayans and Gypsy Jones already knew of the impending demise of the 16-week NFL season. Like all sports fans, they hated knowing about upcoming labor disputes almost as much as they hated ipad politicians that started predictable wars. They complained of headaches.

Nostradamus guzzled his PBR. He stroked his long gray beard and searched some more. Suddenly he stopped and his eyes teared up. The ancient Mayans and Gypsy Jones rushed to his side. “I am a seer of the Cleveland Browns winning the Super Bowl in the year…” But Nostradamus couldn’t finish. He was overcome with emotion. He added, simply, “I have discovered Whatzgonnahappen.” Continue reading “iPicks 2011 Super Bowl XLV Pick” »