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2007 NFL PICKS: CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP WEEKEND
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WhatZgonnahappen
(Home of Color-Coded Conference Championship NFL Picks)
“Got to pay your dues if you want to sing the blues/And you know it don’t come easy”
- Ringo Starr
Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton want us to be colorblind but I say the subject of color is hard to ignore when the nickname of the New York Giants is “Big Blue”.
There, I said it. The Giants are a blue team. You know it. I know it. They know it. That’s right, this is a column about the race to the Super Bowl. It is not about race and Super Tuesday. It is, however, all about color.
The San Diego Chargers don’t know what color they are. Sometimes they are powder blue and sometimes they are navy blue. Some say this makes them colorful opportunists.
The Packers are green and gold.
And the Patriots, who once wore red and lost a lot, now wear blue and never lose. So, there you have it, a lot of blue remains in this year’s playoffs.
No teal anywhere.
Of cour$e, if you think about it, the Packers do it ju$t right for our modern $port$ world becau$e now more than ever, it’$ about the traditional Green and the Gold.
And of course, in the midst of all this is the rule that one of the two teams in each game must wear white jerseys – almost always it is the visiting team. What does it mean?
Okay, now here’s the thing. These two teams of different colors will be violent towards each other because of the colors of their jerseys (and perhaps the content of their character). So yeah – red alert, stay on your side of the double yellow line, look past the shades of gray and listen to me sing the blues about the missing brown-and-orange from this week’s whatzgonnahappen.
CHARGERS AT PATRIOTS – The cartoon character Underdog is laughing. Buster Douglas doesn’t give the Chargers a chance. The 1980 U.S. Olympic Hockey Team can’t watch such sadness/madness. In fact, Rocky Balboa became so disheartened to think of the Chargers chances that he quit punching the side of beef and instead invited Apollo Creed over for a barbecue. The game begins as all recent Patriots games have started, with the other team actually believing that they have a chance to win. It’s too early to know right now who is playing and if this was any other game I might be inclined to say it matters. But it doesn’t. The script is the same. Philip Rivers/Billy Volek starts with a good couple of drives, as does his running back, LaDanian Tomlinson/Michael Turner. You know, whatever. Then Tom Brady and the Patriots machine takes over. Touchdown Patriots, Field Goal Chargers, Touchdown Patriots, Punt Chargers, Touchdown Patriots, Touchdown Chargers, Touchdown Patriots, Interception another Touchdown Patriots… blah, blah. Patriots 42, Chargers 20
GIANTS AT PACKERS – If I stop at the Vince Lombardi Rest Area in New Jersey and then leave weighing one-half pound less than when I arrived, does that make me a Giants or Packers fan? Wouldn’t you at least call that a successful visit? I would, especially if I then purchased a half-pound cheeseburger on the way out. So now all this talk of shifting weight has me thinking of the weight of expectations on these two teams, and the weight of the two big running backs. And like a heavyweight fight, this looks like a potential slugfest. When I first considered this game it looked like a Packers blowout but then I quit using my brain and I thought about it from a national emotional standpoint and it still looked like a Packers blowout. Still, it doesn’t add up. I sense the unthinkable – a huge Brett Favre error at the end of the game. Eli’s coming… to the Super Bowl. Look for Peyton Manning commercials at halftime. Giants 24, Packers 21
This column is sponsored by Mike Huckabee’s "Eye-For-An-Eye" Constitutional Amendment.
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